How To Deal With Mean People

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Photo by Obie Fernadez


Human beings are the most difficult creature God ever made. Even God Himself considers humans difficult. 

I’m sure if I should ask about 20 people to tell me about one mean person they met today, everyone would actually have more than 2 people. 

I mean don’t forget to mention the lady who cut you off in the line and stood in front of you knowing very well you were before her.

Oh and what about the lady who pushed you in the line or the cashier who threw your change on the counter even though you stretched your hands to get it.

I bet you thought I forgot about that nasty-nice woman in the church who pretend to be nice and holy but turns around and talks about everyone….

The truth is, we all deal with nasty and mean people every day. 

Some people are actually happy when they are mean to others because that is who they are. Those people are miserable and so they enjoy making others miserable too. As a consequence, they go out of their way to do things that cause others pain and steal their joy.

We deal with mean or nasty nice people all the time and as human beings, we will always encounter nasty people, but how we deal with them is up to us. We need to recognize mean people and stand above their meaness that is why below I have listed six different ways we can deal with such people in our lives.

  1. Chose happiness over misery

Remember that because we are human beings we are bound to have human interactions with others, which may end up hurting us.  So when you meet people who are mean to you, make the choice to stay positive, don’t let their attitudes and meanness change your perspective on life. Choose to be happy.

Personally, I have found that keeping an attitude of gratitude helps me to be kind and extend grace to others.  In the morning before you get out of your bed, tell yourself the things you are most grateful for. The thing you are grateful for could be your kids, spouse, family, job, pets, friends, and the gift of life that you have been given for free.

Research has shown that by cultivating an attitude of gratitude, you activate peace and calmness, which helps you to deal with angry and bittered people. 

  1. Understand that it is not you, it’s them.

This is the part that many of us miss all the time. 

Many at times, when we meet someone who hates us for no reason, we tend to think its something we did or said that caused that. The truth is, that the person who decides to attack you out of nowhere or get angry at you and starts being mean or nasty to you is fighting her own demons. She is actually projecting what she is afraid others will find out about her on you.  Sometimes, it is the person’s own insecurities that make them act mean towards you.  Some people like to shift blame in order to feel good about themselves and they would recruit whoever they can get to join them to fight you. 

So the best way to deal with such people is to recognize that they are dealing with inner demons.  They are the problem, not you.  it‘s not anything you did that made them act the way they did. They are the way they are and don’t waste your time and energy trying to reason with them. Pray for them and love them from afar. 

  1. When they go low, you go high.

As people, we are all different and not everyone we meet will be nice or treat us with kindness. We can not control how people will treat us, however, how we decide to react to those people is completely on us.

Don’t give people too much power over you to the extent that whenever you see them, your heart starts to boil. When they go low, we need to go high. 

This is hard, but kill them with kindness because that is the only way you can have your power back. 

Instead of engaging in negative exchange with them, take the other route, and walk away.   Resist the urge to be mean to them back and set clear boundaries from then on.  Mean people are toxic so you don’t need to be friends with them, what you can do is to distance yourself from them and be nice to them from afar. 

And if it happens that they need your help, offer it to them with no malicious intentions because there is power in kindness. 

  1. Smile, Ignore and walk away.

The meanest people on earth would tell you they are the nicest people ever. Don’t let their pretense deceive you because it’s only a matter of time before they show you who they truly are.  When people show you who they are or what they can be, just smile, ignore them, and walk away. I know it is easier said than that but that is the only best way you can deal with nasty-nice people. 

Don’t let a miserable and mean spirited person get a rouse out of you. Instead of engaging in their nastiness, just ignore them and walk away till you feel like you can actually talk to them without being mean to them back. Give yourself time to cool off. Don’t let anyone pressure you into talking to them, do it in your own time when you are calm.

It is a pity but we see this a lot even in the house of the lord where there is one auntie who bullies everyone in the church and wants every position to go to her. She bullies and be nasty to every newcomer who comes into the church until they leave. 

Deal with such person with care, because she is dangerous. The best way to deal with such people is to ignore them. Know that they are insecure and fighting deeper battles. 

So when next they try to attack you, ….Smile, Ignore, and Walk  away….

  1. Set personal boundaries 

Sometimes in as much as we would like to smile ignore and walk away from mean people, we actually can’t because life happens and we need to either live with these people or work with them.  In that case, always keep your calm, learn to work with them without causing confusion in the group. Try not to be alone with them and always sit far from them without making eye contact with them. 

Learn to coexist with them but maintain your distance so that they don’t get the chance to attack you. 

Remember that your peace is important and so don’t allow any mean person to steal your peace by getting close.  

  1. Love and accept you

Mean people have a way of making you feel like there is something wrong with you or you are not good enough. The thing is, they try to make you feel insecure, demotivate you so they can feel good about themselves. 

Therefore, the best way to rise above the negative and nastiness of such people is to know who you are. If you accept who you truly are, there is no one on this planet who would be able to bring you down. Love you enough to not feed into the narrative of the enemy. If you don’t believe and love who you are, mean people will define you with their negative names. 

Note that,  not everyone you meet will love or get along with you. 

So learn to accept people for who they are and live your life being happy and at peace.

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